By Ben Greenman
Originally in Superbad, 2001
Obtain a watch without fluorescent-tipped hands. Go into a pitch-black room. Hold the watch to your ear. Then close your eyes. Is the ticking any louder?
Locate a small child who can speak but not yet tell time. Ask the child what time it is. When the child answers, believe him.
Find an ordinary kitchen timer and set it for three minutes. At the conclusion of the three minutes, divorce your wife or husband. If you are not married, marry the first available person, reset the timer, and repeat the exercise.
Each time the minute hand overlaps the hour hand, pretend that the hour hand has disappeared. As quickly as possible, work yourself into a panic imagining a world with no hours, only minutes.
The next time you feel happy, look at a clock and note how long it takes until you are miserable.
When a friend asks you what time it is, say, “Time to take off my watch and put it in my pocket.” Then take off your watch and put it in your pocket.
When a friend asks you what time it is, say, “Time to take off my watch and put it in my pocket.” Then take off your watch and put it in your pocket.
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