Well, let me repeat. That’s a very important question, and the answer has to be clear. In this matter, one thing is certain, and that is that any and all interest in the project, whether municipal, national, or otherwise, must be justified as a function of the cultural value of the surrounding property while at the same time factoring in the political considerations associated with the storage and disposal of residues, both toxic and noxious. Perhaps the clearest way I can express the presiding state’s policy on the topic at hand is to refer all inquiries to the relevant agencies. I should also add that as this is a teleconferenced hearing rather than an in-person meeting, I am wearing no pants, and have no intention of doing so. Oh, none of you is wearing pants either? Well, now I feel a mix of embarrassment and condemnation. What is wrong with you people? I can do anything I want. I am the mayor. My wife is the governor. But you are what, engineers? Teachers? Journalists? Come on. Have just the tiniest bit of self-respect. Don’t scowl like that, Mr. Abram. I could walk three stories down and smack you across the face, you know. I won’t, but I could. And you, Dr. Tolliver, shouldn’t smirk. Some people look better without pants. Some people look better without anything. I swear it. What? No. I don’t think so. What I do think is that this meeting is over. In about five seconds I’m going to lean down and hit the red button and all of you will disappear from my screen. I’ll disappear from your screens, too, but that doesn’t mean you’re done with me. Sleep with one eye open. I own weapons and I’m stealthy and as I think this call has established I’m not what you would consider stable. Here I go. I’m pressing the button. Sleep with one eye open or risk having them both closed forever.
©2020 Ben Greenman/Stupid Ideas
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