By Ben Greenman
from forthcoming collection, as yet untitled
Ashley is the latest member of the family to revise her official clock, to the extent of shifting it forward ten full minutes. The change was hinted at, then formally requested, and finally demanded by her parents and sister, who grew impatient with always waiting for her when dinner reservations were pending, or when the start of a movie was growing uncomfortably close. The transformation was given a sense of ceremony by scheduling it on the New Year. When the television hosts counted down to midnight, Ashley officially reset her sense of things. “No longer will we be standing on five of the hour and have her emerge to say something about a quarter of,” said her father, Morton. Her mother, Abigail, concurred: “When it’s seven o’clock, it’s seven o’clock, not ‘Mom, I’m yelling down from upstairs to find out what time it is and when do we have to leave again?’” Ashley notes that she was, in the process of speeding ahead to accord with family time, deprived of the right to live those ten minutes. “It’s hard to say what could have happened,” she said. “Could I have met someone who ended up being the most important person in my life? Or maybe I would have had a thought that would have changed the world. We will never know.” Ashley’s sister Annabelle is next to be adjusted, as she is routinely four or five minutes ahead of schedule, and her anxiety as she waits for the rest of the family to catch up, which is often accompanied by fidgeting and sighing and sometimes even unkind language, has been deemed nearly as stressful as Ashley’s tardiness.
Ashley is the latest member of the family to revise her official clock, to the extent of shifting it forward ten full minutes. The change was hinted at, then formally requested, and finally demanded by her parents and sister, who grew impatient with always waiting for her when dinner reservations were pending, or when the start of a movie was growing uncomfortably close. The transformation was given a sense of ceremony by scheduling it on the New Year. When the television hosts counted down to midnight, Ashley officially reset her sense of things. “No longer will we be standing on five of the hour and have her emerge to say something about a quarter of,” said her father, Morton. Her mother, Abigail, concurred: “When it’s seven o’clock, it’s seven o’clock, not ‘Mom, I’m yelling down from upstairs to find out what time it is and when do we have to leave again?’” Ashley notes that she was, in the process of speeding ahead to accord with family time, deprived of the right to live those ten minutes. “It’s hard to say what could have happened,” she said. “Could I have met someone who ended up being the most important person in my life? Or maybe I would have had a thought that would have changed the world. We will never know.” Ashley’s sister Annabelle is next to be adjusted, as she is routinely four or five minutes ahead of schedule, and her anxiety as she waits for the rest of the family to catch up, which is often accompanied by fidgeting and sighing and sometimes even unkind language, has been deemed nearly as stressful as Ashley’s tardiness.
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