A MORAL PRODIGY

By Ben Greenman

from forthcoming collection, as yet untitled

The Invitational of Principles and Practices has surpassed all expectations with regards to the interest shown by the general public, and that interest has been duly rewarded, as the first week’s action has not been without surprise. This past Tuesday saw an unusual incident when Dr. James Cornell had apparently fought the seven-year-old moral prodigy, Eleanor Gregor of Nebraska, to a draw. Gregor has been a sensation since her first exhibition matches at the age of four, at which time she demonstrated a moral sense that most conceded was the equal of the world’s greatest practitioners. The following year, she was among them in competition. Gregor was heavily favored against Cornell, who has recently been diagnosed with a serious illness and who has responded to it by increasing rather than decreasing his impatience and self-interest (though it should be noted that he claims his actions as an example of “healing the self so that the self can heal others”). On Tuesday, Gregor took an early lead but Cornell battled back and appeared to have earned a draw. Cornell, Gregor, and the spectators were filing out of the hall when Gregor could be heard to shout “Oh!,” after which she sprinted back toward the ring of play. A consultation of the rulebook determined that she was still within the ten-minute resumption period, and a review by the head judge did away with any suspicion that an inspired person in the exiting throng had suggested a moral argument to her. Gregor then presented a case that asserted normative ethics without committing to any one binding force, largely through a simple but nevertheless compelling metaphor of a new colonist forced to articulate fundamental principles without infringing upon the freedoms of others. She finished by turning her palms up and speaking a single word: “Society.” Cornell for some time stared across the table silently but was forced to concede. Former moral champion Louis Kostek, who has suffered many defeats at the hands of the so-called Omaha Oracle, repeated with great intensity his well-known phrase: “When Gregor moves, we move toward her, and can not do otherwise.” However, Gregor herself upon her return to the hotel acknowledged that she had not seen the idea the first time, and that its appearance to her as she filed out of the hall was akin to an epiphanic vision. 

Later that night, a throng filled the hall as Gregor simultaneously took on twenty-eight opponents against whom she notched twenty-four wins, three draws, and only one narrow loss. Afterwards, she solidified her hold on the title by remarking that “A loss is necessary among multiple victories, if only as a reminder of the meaning of both."

Gregor now continues to the World Championships, this year held in Nonthaburi.