BUCKY AND THE BEES

By Ben Greenman

from forthcoming collection, as yet untitled

Local police have reported a sharp increase in arrests for imposture, particularly among scientists concerned with measuring the psychological distress that has become more prevalent since the early spring—and the investigation of which has, since early summer, been prohibited by law. Psychologists, parapsychologists, apparitionists, esotericists, and other mind-body investigators now go about their days as if they are not who they are, concealing the tools of their trade. A Shake Meter may be painted to look like a cup of coffee. Worry Sheets can now be folded in quarters and secreted within the credit-card slots of ordinary wallets. Balfour Collection Rods, attached to the rear of a pair of glasses, pass for simple temple tips. All of this is intended to thwart the police, and often does, though Professor Samuel A. Jeffries was hauled in when it was discovered that his top hat had within it a Buzz Cylinder designed to allow him to practice a surreptitious apitherapy. Jeffries was also wearing a false mustache and a name tag that identified him as “Bucky.”