WELCOME, NEW GAZEBO

By Ben Greenman

from forthcoming collection, as yet untitled

A new study has revealed that the people in town sometimes come from town and sometimes come from elsewhere, though not everywhere else. “That’s right,” said Carlos Lamb, a demographer and the lead author on the study. “They come from Placid and Westconnie. They come from Mutter and Moorlock. They come from North Shoehorn and South Shoehorn as well. In the Ryegrass Estates area alone, we have nineteen different points of origin to worry about.” A second scientist sitting next to him, who would not give her name, interrupted. “Worry about?” she said. “Worry’s not the point. The point is that there are some places that no one comes from. We have no one here from Old Hamblin. We have no one from Knott. We have no one from Luxeme. I took this study to be a confirmation of unpredictable distributions and nothing more.” Lamb retook possession of the microphone. “But so many of the people I am mentioning are lacking in vitality,” he said, the cords in his neck asserting themselves. “They are the reason I have begun to organize a territorial force. We must protect what is ours, to whatever degree we can. The selfish and wrecking policy of blindly accepting all interlopers will drive us to ruin.” The nameless scientist stood to leave. “I think we’re done here,” she said. When contacted later, Lamb would not respond to a query regarding his own town of origin. The press conference was the first in the new Civic Gazebo, completed at a cost of nearly one million dollars, and gleaming.