THREE MEN NAMED JOHN

By Ben Greenman

from forthcoming collection, as yet untitled

Three men named John, all auto mechanics, each employed by a different company whose name differs from his own but closely resembles that of one of the others (John O’Neal, employed by Bostic Body Shop; John Bostick, employed by Andrews Auto Body and Repair; and John Anderson, employed by Neil’s Collision Craft), were vacationing together with their wives and families at Standard Kill Falls when they gathered for a photo and, as a trio, tumbled backwards and fell a distance of fifty feet down into the falls. O’Neal and Bostick have been released with serious but not life-threatening injuries, though the experience has caused both men to reassess their lives. O’Neal has quit his job at Bostic, while Bostick is putting together an investment group to purchase the four local Andrews franchises, to which he plans to add car washes and snack bars, the latter featuring the trademark “three-grilled cheese with egg” that he has been cooking for his family most Sundays for the last decade. Anderson is still in the hospital. “We are keeping his seat warm for him,” said Neil O’Connor, his employer, “and hope to see him back here soon. There’s a 1951 Muntz Jet that needs his touch.” Doctors have not yet released specifics about his condition, though there are rumors that he has lost his memory and may not be able to handle A-arms, four-wheel hydraulic brakes, dual coil ignition, or any other facet of the car.