WHAT ARE WE IF NOT OUR PAST?

By Ben Greenman

from forthcoming collection, as yet untitled

A prominent and even predominant topic of conversation in the state assembly this week has been the urgent necessity of renaming the small towns to the north and the east of the capital. Some members have been insistent that changing the names will disrupt the region’s sense of history and identity. “What are we if not our past?” asked Jennifer Gerhardt, an assemblywoman representing District 11. Others, however, point to the fact that nearly all of the towns have names that are immensely confusing to anyone seeking or giving directions: the towns of There, Yonder, Turnaround, Left, Right, Exit, and Stop were singled out as particularly egregious offenders. David Barber, the great-grandson of Horatio Barber, the man who named most of the towns in the area, addressed the state assembly in favor of change, buttressing his argument with what he said were actual directions he had received from a man at a gas station: “Turn left at Right, then head toward There, past Turnaround until you get to Yonder.” Barber added that his great-grandfather was a sadist, and insane.