To the populated moon of a distant planet went Astronaut Merrick. He landed on the moon and, upon stepping out of his ship, encountered a family of beings. They resembled humans in some regards and departed from them in others—for example the outward-facing funnels on their skin. One was tall. Astronaut Merrick thought of this one as the father-being. The slightly shorter-one was in his mind the mother-being. There was one miniature of the father-being and one of the mother-being. “Wait,” said Astronaut Merrick, and went back into the ship for a fully cooked turkey he had brought as a token of appreciation. “Like this,” he said, miming eating, rubbing his belly. The father-being nodded and took the entire group to a large round table. The beings had by now absorbed his entire language simply by remaining for a few moments in his presence with their funnels open. “You can divide up this turkey,” said the father-being. Astronaut Merrick demurred but the father-being insisted. Astronaut Merrick took out his pocket-knife and got to work. He gave to the father-being and the mother-being the head, the smaller beings each a wing and a leg. He kept the body for himself. After the meal, the father-being spoke. “I do not understand,” said the father-being. “How did you decide upon a division of your bird?” Astronaut Merrick held up a finger. “You are the head. You are the head as well.” This he addressed to the father- and mother-beings both. “To the smaller of you I gave leg and wing, leg to show how they stand upright carrying on your legacy, wing to show how they fly away and seek their own fortune. The body looks to me like my ship, which is why I kept it.” He stood and ran for the ship. The father-being could have overtaken and devoured him, but instead he nodded to show that he had appreciated Astronaut Merrick’s reasoning, and he waved affably at the departing craft.
©2020 Ben Greenman/Stupid Ideas
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