BROTHERS IN ARMS

By Ben Greenman

from forthcoming collection, as yet untitled

The Commissioner of Parks has awarded a Silver Sphere to Corncob Bob, a snowman and best friend of Helmut Coal, another snowman who was melted to death two days ago near the intersection of Kent and Kimball in Strand Park. The Sphere was made on account of Corncob Bob’s bravery after the attack on his compatriot. Corncob Bob has, in the past few days, endured a string of indignities that range from projectiles (simple snowballs, pennies, larger rocks) to maimings (tree-branch arms stolen for malicious pleasure, replaced by common drinking straws; carrot nose stolen for eating, not replaced) and would have been directed to another snowman were there more than one in the area. Helmut Coal was attacked by a gang of fraternity brothers wielding cordless hair dryers. The suggestion has been made that they simply wanted to carve him into a different likeness, but that a lack of skill frustrated them and the result was total destruction. Only the tree branches remained, in a crude cross on the ground. The assailants were not apprehended. Helmut Coal was the oldest snowman in the north corner of the park, having been built six days ago by the family of Alex and Jessie Boston and their parents. Corncob Bob, now wearing his Silver Sphere as a new nose, is hoping that he will be joined by other snowmen before his existence ends, whether by natural forces or at the hand of the roving gang, still at large.