MEASURED AND EVEN MILD

By Ben Greenman

from forthcoming collection, as yet untitled

A man has been fined at Water’s Edge by Judge Francis Cowper for ill-treating three facts. George Murray, a small businessman, was the source of a complaint filed by his ex-wife, Karen, who noted that Murray frequently operated with flagrant disregard for the truth, and specified one incident last May where, during an argument about the couple’s impending separation conducted in full view of a neighbor and a mailman, Murray insisted that his wife had alienated affections for more than six months (they had in fact slept together the night before), that his wife’s mother had meddled in the marriage by sending Murray a letter condemning his career choices (Murray’s mother-in-law had been dead for several years), and that the state’s junior senator had done nothing wrong by arranging for a Saudi businessman to contribute money to a the presidential campaign of a candidate beloved by Murray and despised by his wife (ample reporting attested to the arrangement, though the Senator, like Murray, denied any involvement).  Murray defended his behavior by noting that it was measured and even mild compared to what could have been. “I planned to make up several new facts to stand in the place of these,” he said, “but instead I just told my truth, and if Karen has her own truth, well, I guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree.” The players in this drama reacted across a wide spectrum. Karen Murray’s attorney remarked that George Murray’s restraint reminded him of the merciful nature of the autocrat who pulls an officer from the ranks of his military to make an example of the man, planning on simultaneously hanging him and having him executed by a firing squad, but who then, petitioned on the man’s behalf, withdraws the firing squad.  George Murray, for his part, hailed the decision as a victory. “I’m happy that the court agreed with me on all points,” he said. The facts in question released a statement through their spokesperson, who said that “The facts speak for themselves.”