MR. LUCKY

By Ben Greenman

from forthcoming collection, as yet untitled

The death is announced at Safran Meadows, the assisted-living facility in North Wallace, of Mr. Michael Diamantis, the eldest survivor of seven siblings who all worked at the aerospace factory in Accordia. The ages of the brothers is thought to be a record of longevity, as only one failed to reach the age of 90. Michael was aged 97 at the time of his passing, and the others reached 97 (Adam), 92 (Marcus), 93 (Leo), 95 (George), and 93 (Paul). The seventh, Peter, did not reach the family benchmark, though his decease was more tragicomedy than tragedy, as he expired the night before his 90th birthday, while arguing with his younger brother Marcus, at the time only 87, about which of them would live longer. So heated grew Peter that he assumed a boxing stance and began to hop around Marcus, at which point he tripped over a dog toy, banged his shin on a coffee table, and fell face-down onto the kitchen floor, breaking his nose. He died more than an hour later when the ambulance driving him to the hospital was broadsided by a van operated by a young man returning from the eye doctor, who leapt out immediately to apologize and was standing beside the driver’s door when Peter, having unbuckled himself from the gurney, burst from the rear of the ambulance and confronted the young man. This was enough proof of health that the onboard medic declared him fit and drove him home, at which point he went upstairs to take a nap and expired peacefully in his sleep. The dog’s name was Turnip.