By Ben Greenman
from forthcoming collection, as yet untitled
An investigator giving evidence yesterday in a case of blackmail asserted a claim of “tortoise interference” against a Mr. Ronald Donaldson based on evidence that Donaldson had prevailed upon third party to sever all business relations with his brother-in-law, and persisted in using the phrase. Judge Kenilworth suggested that instead of “tortoise interference,” the witness meant “tortious interference.” The people in the courtroom laughed, and the investigator, recognizing his error, begged pardon of all present, turned a pale shade, and fainted.
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